We recently finished what is considered to be the most
difficult five-week block in the nursing program. During that block, in a two
week-period, we had 48 clinical hours + prep work, a several
projects due, and multiple exams (like… 5 or 6 at least) in some very difficult
classes (pathophysiology, pharmacology, health assessment, med/surg….). I think everyone in my cohort would agree with me… THIS is what they meant when they
told us this was an accelerated
nursing program.
So, I figured I would recover after a relaxing weekend and
bounce back as a full-force-super-stellar-outta-the-park-killin’-it nursing
student.
Only… I definitely haven’t felt that way.
I’m not super stressed, it’s not really style to get worked
up about school, but I just don’t feel like I’m excelling. Don’t get me wrong – I’m doing well. My grades are fine. But I just want
to be very, very good at this whole nursing thing. And right now, I’m not. For
example, a few weeks ago we practiced putting IVs in manikins. I was able to do
it, but honestly, it wasn’t pretty. I had to practice many times to get the
hang of it, and even still I have to think hard it. I don’t feel like I’m good
at it yet. And that is very frustrating. Because I want to be very good at
it. My heart seriously drops at the
thought of causing a patient unnecessary discomfort because of something as
simple as starting an IV.
Again, I would say that many in my nursing cohort have been
feeling similarly. We study hours upon hours for exams (of which we’ve had at
least one or two a week for last five weeks or so), only to get a good but not
excellent grade. We practice over and over memorizing medication names and
indications and side effects and interactions only to draw a blank when the
instructor asks us a question. We are all
working overtime to try excel. We want to be good at this. What gives?
Over the weekend I came across this video with an audio clip
of Ira Glass about being a beginner. He is addressing storytellers (he certainly
is an excellent storyteller), but I think the ideas definitely apply to
nursing. It feels like I am in “the gap”…
and perhaps it will take a bit of time and a lot of energy, but I just have to
believe that all this work that I’m pouring out will, in the end, result in an
ability to provide excellent patient care.
“It takes a while. It’s going to take you a while. It’s
normal to take a while. And you are going just have to fight your way through
that, okay?”
